By Michael Hurley, CBS Boston
BOSTON (CBS) — In this 24/7 world of sports media, there’s always someone out there dishing a hot take just to get attention. Generally, it requires a unique slant in order to really hit home. But leave it to an outsider to lob the hottest take of them all: Gisele Bundchen is a witch. And Tom Brady’s life is now doomed.READ MORE: Massachusetts House Speaker Ron Mariano Hospitalized, Fitted With Pacemaker In Florida
That is, apparently, a sincere concern of Rick Wiles, a radio host and the founder of TruNews. Wiles caught wind of what Brady said — to a laughing crowd at Gillette headquarters last week — about his wife believing in some superstitious methods to help him to achieve great success on the football field. Wiles was appalled at what he heard, and his comments from his radio show were found by WEEI’s Mut & Callahan Show, and they were … they were something else. Here’s what Wiles had to say:
“It’s obvious Tom Brady has no spiritual discernment at all. It’s obvious that he’s spiritually lost. He’s being led through life by a witch. He thinks it’s cute. He thinks it’s — pardon the pun — charming. And he thinks it works, because he keeps winning.”
“And he sleeps with her. He’s sleeping with a witch. There’s deep spiritual ramifications for that. He’s sleeping with a witch. His soul is defiled, because he’s having intimate relations with a witch. She’s a witch. She’s not just … somebody who has some goofy new-age ideas. She’s a witch.”
That sound you just heard was Max Kellerman slapping himself on the forehead, bemoaning the fact that he didn’t think of this angle first.
Rick actually did make an exceptional point during “The godcast”:
“I was just thinking, last weekend in a humorous way, a local pastor in I don’t know what town it was jokingly quoted Daniel and said that the Super Bowl was a battle between a ram and a goat. K? So he was equating Tom Brady as the GOAT, K? Just think about what we now know.”
That really was a remarkable point.
Makes you think.
Thank you, Rick.READ MORE: Boston Children's Hospital Named Best In U.S. For 8th Straight Year
(The “godcast,” featuring Wiles and co-hosts Doc Burkhart and Kerry Kinsey, is the show where these comments came to light. The fellas were really broken up about this whole revelation. It’s a tough watch. Heart goes out to those guys.)
Wiles joined Mut & Callahan to try to explain himself further. This hot take only burned brighter.
“Yes there are witches, but they’re all bad. There’s no such thing as a good witch,” Wiles told the show. “These are people who practice sorcery or witchcraft by communing with demonic spirits. It’s as simple as that.”
Wiles managed to get in a jab at Gillette, calling it a company that “despises masculine men” because of an a recent advertisement that urged men to fight back against sexual harassment, bullying, and violence. And he noted that Brady’s soul is now doomed forever — unless he repents and begs for forgiveness.
“Everything that Mr. Brady described his wife doing is paganism, it is witchcraft,” Wiles told the show. “What he described was witchcraft, and he said, ‘My wife is a witch.’ His wife said, ‘You married a witch; you married a good witch.’ That’s witchcraft. She’s practicing witchcraft and Tom Brady is allowing it is in home.”
Warning that all people have come into contact with witches, Wiles said he did not sense any sarcasm in Brady’s statement. Wiles said he’s just taking Brady at his word that sorcery and witchcraft is at the root of Brady’s most recent three Super Bowl wins.
“It’s working in his life but it’s going to be a miserable [afterlife] when he dies,” Wiles said. “Hey, I’m just going by what he said.”
As for that afterlife, Wiles noted that the only chance at salvation for Brady and Gisele is for them to repent, turn from their sin, and ask God for forgiveness. Otherwise … it’s the lake of fire for them both.
“Witches will be assigned to the lake of fire. When they die, they’re going to spend eternity in the lake of fire with murderers, adulterers, liars. Witches are mentioned right there with murderers and adulterers and liars,” Wiles said. “It is an eternal damnation in the lake of fire. You don’t play games with witchcraft.”
To reiterate: “The Bible says [those who practice] witchcraft will be in the lake of fire with murderers. You have to understand the seriousness of witchcraft.”
While most people would hear such commentary and marvel at the lunacy of the message … Brady has to hope that nobody passes the story along to Roger Goodell. The commissioner’s suspended Brady for something that didn’t really exist before in order to try to achieve a competitive balance in the league, and there’s nothing stopping Goodell from dialing up Ted Wells and Exponent before promptly deciding to ban Brady for six games for witchcraft and sorcery.
That would surely be unjust, but it would also be misguided. As everyone knows, if there’s any member of the Patriots who might be able to make magic out of nothing, or how to turn a roster devoid of All-Pros into a championship team, or how to continually defy the constructs of the NFL to prevent one team from sustaining success for five years — let alone two decades? We all know that’s not Tom Brady. That would be someone else … someone who wears a wizard’s hood in plain sight for all to see.MORE NEWS: Watch Live @ 11: Gov. Charlie Baker To Announce New Initiative To Boost Vaccinations In Massachusetts
Dear God. We just cracked this case wide open.