Was The Trent Richardson Trade Less Painful Than LeBron James’ “The Decision”?

  • Metaphorical Pain Scale Equivalent?
    Someone clubbing you in the head with a brick when you aren’t looking.
    A month-long torture where you’re awake and in full control of your faculties for every second of it.
  • Cinematic Equivalent?
    When Michael Corleone iced the police chief in The Godfather. Sudden. Emotional. Quick.
    When Mufasa died. Or, the first 15 minutes of "Up", whichever hurts your soul more.
  • Relationship Equivalent?
    When the person you’ve been dating for a year, and thinking of moving in with, suddenly has a new, more attractive beau (who’s also in better shape, you slob you).
    When the person you've been married to for 7 years suddenly leaves you to become a biker gang's town bicycle.
  • Best Case Scenario?
    The Colts are mediocre at best, and the Browns turn in a 5-11 season, which they were going to anyway.
    There’s no joy here. There is no best case scenario.
  • Worst Case Scenario?
    The Colts, with a talented young QB and RB, become a powerhouse for at least 10 years.
    The Heat win a championship. What? They already- ok, so they win two ch- wait, what? Come on!
  • Humiliating Aftermath?
    Jim Irsay drunkenly tweeting about a “big trade” (but then, he’s always drunkenly tweeting about a big win).
    Dan Gilbert’s magenta-tinted comic sans letter about how Cleveland will win a championship before LeBron James. That didn’t work out. Twice.
  • Most Pompous Moment in Sports History?
    No, it’s just business. Plus, many speculate that this will give the Browns the draft firepower to acquire a Teddy Bridgewater, and actually start a true rebuilding process.
    Oh yes.
RESULTS
Oh my, sports fans. We’ve never seen a victory quite this lopsided in Tale of the Tape history. The Richardson trade sweeps The Decision, 7-0. In a manner of speaking, Cleveland finally won! That said, losing your best offensive player, and STILL having it be 100% less painful than the LeBron fiasco just goes to show you what a dog and pony show the whole thing was. Just disgraceful. -Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

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