Keller @ Large: Hey Amazon, Don’t Waste Your Time With New Hampshire

BOSTON (CBS) – So, I see that New Hampshire, in its bid to coax Amazon into building their east coast headquarters there, has decided to jump ugly with Massachusetts.

“Choose Boston,” state officials write in their bid document, “and next year when you leave your tiny $4,000 a month apartment only to sit in 2 hours of traffic trying to make your way to an overburdened airport, you’ll be wishing you were in New Hampshire.”

Pitching a location in Londonderry, they add: “Though just over the state line, the site represents a far superior business environment without the cumbersome commute times, taxes and affordability challenges that plague Boston businesses and their employees.”

Let’s stipulate that these criticisms of Boston are not without merit; rents are insane, the traffic is bad, and its expensive.

But you know what, New Hampshire?

Two can play this game.

Hey Amazon – do you know why New Hampshire is such a sparsely-populated state, despite all its eye-popping tax advantages?

Because it’s a boring wasteland of cow pastures and strip malls, a cultural desert interrupted by just a handful of brave-but-isolated artistic venues.

Why do you suppose 12 out of the 15 entertainment options listed in their bid are in Boston?

They never mention New Hampshire weather, because it makes Boston seem like paradise.

And they have the nerve to tout the New Hampshire primary as an asset, when it’s actually the world’s biggest pain in the assets.

I could go on, but I don’t want to get my New Hampshire friends any madder than they already are.

But hey gang – what goes around, comes around.

More from Jon Keller
Comments

One Comment

  1. Here, I fixed it: “Because it’s a boring wasteland of….lakes, ski areas, and natural beauty tainted by loud flatlanders with red-lettered license plates who drive like they’re in a race against time to find a toilet.”

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