Keller @ Large: Simple Advice For Some Who Sorely Need It

BOSTON (CBS) - We in the media are often criticized for harping on the negative without offering much positivity.

So today, I'm taking it upon myself to step in and offer constructive advice to some prominent local people who sorely need the help.

I'm sure, as I know you are, that Red Sox pitcher David Price, manager John Farrell, and the Price acolytes who applauded his juvenile harassment of Dennis Eckersley, want to do the right thing and apologize to Eckersley.

They just can't find the right words.

So allow me to offer these apology statements for you to use, free of charge, as soon as possible would be my advice.

For Price:

"Mr. Eckersley, I want to profusely apologize for my boorish behavior, heckling you and cursing at you. It was totally uncalled for. While I may not always like your analysis, your expertise is unquestioned and it is always well within the bounds of professional discourse, I had no business suggesting otherwise. I recognize that I have maturity and anger-management issues, and I promise to deal with those and do my best to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. Again, I am sincerely sorry and ask for your forgiveness."

For Farrell:

"Eck, I too apologize for not coming down harder, sooner on the unacceptable behavior of my players. I now realize that rather than win their allegiance, I lost their respect when I enabled their disrespect, as well as that of the fans. I have learned a valuable lesson, and can assure you that any future outbursts of this type will be severely dealt with."

And for the peanut gallery:

"We're sorry too. No excuses, other than that we aren't very bright."

There you go fellas, enjoy!

No need to thank me.

Just grow up, and start winning.