Tom Brady Allegedly Napping, Reading, Chilling During DeflateGate Suspension … But We Know Better

By Michael Hurley, CBS Boston

BOSTON (CBS) — If Tom Brady is struggling with his league-mandated four-week suspension from football, he’s not letting it show.

The Patriots quarterback chatted with New York Magazine recently and discussed what his life has been like without football.

After writer Dayna Evans let us know that Brady “smells like clean wood” (what?), we learned what Brady has been up to over the past two weeks.

“I like to take a little nap here and there,” the 39-year-old told Evans. “Read a book. Definitely listen to music. Anything that is just chilling a little bit.”

The interview was focused on Brady’s work as a footwear spokesman, which led to Brady discussing what clothes he wears while lounging around his palace.

“At home,” he said, “it’s probably whatever is functional to relax in, whether it’s a pair of sweats or a pair of jeans.”

I’m sorry, folks, but I’m not buying it.

Put it this way: Do you know any humans who say “anything that is just chilling a little bit” or “whatever is functional to relax in”? No, you don’t.

Do you know who would say such things? An ultra-focused cyborg who was put on this earth solely to win football games. The programming had to be altered for this month, and the CPU tells Tom to act like a normal, totally chill guy. Don’t let the world know how badly you’re suffering.

But saying “anything that is just chilling a little bit” and talking about the functionality of outerwear has exposed the inner rage which he was trying to keep secret. What’s more likely — Tom kicking back and reading a gripping fiction novel, or Tom sweating his guts off in the basement, hucking football after football at 100 mph at a picture of Roger Goodell’s face before running full tilt through the drywall, all while his “Every Single Day/199” commercial plays on repeat on 45 screens surrounding him?

It’s option B, folks. It’s option B.

And, unfortunately for Robo-Tom’s plan, he let that fire show through when discussing — of all things — strawberries.

“I’ve never eaten a strawberry in my life. I have no desire to do that,” he told the interviewer, who pressed back with a simple follow-up: “Never?”

“Absolutely not,” Brady defiantly replied.

You’re telling me that a guy who holds such disdain for strawberries is also someone who likes to do “anything that is just chilling a little bit”?

Nope. No way.

He may be chuckling his way through those Monday night Jim Gray interviews, and he may be telling magazine writers that he’s totally chill at all times, but you can’t fool me, Tom Brady. We know what you’re up to these four weeks, and we know that it’s anything but “chilling.”

You can email Michael Hurley or find him on Twitter @michaelFhurley.

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