How NOT To Troll Patriots Nation: Dexter Manley Says Tom Brady Is 'Garbage', 'Can't Pick Up A First Down'
Trolls have invaded sports media since Tom Brady and the Patriots won the Super Bowl and dragged the world through DeflateGate. Some have legitimate gripes with the way the admittedly great Patriots push the boundaries of the rules; others go to dizzyingly outrageous lengths to dismiss or diminish Brady's talents and accomplishments. That's when trolling is elevated to performance art.
Chris Simms, for instance, is among the elite in Brady trolling. His asinine take that Jim McNally and John Jastremski's reinstatement makes Tom Brady guilty is so absurd it almost sounds plausible, and you have to respect his commitment to keeping Brady out of his top 5 quarterbacks - even now. San Francisco news radio host Chip Franklin took trolling to another level in saying he would take Tim Tebow over Brady, which goaded Tom Brady Sr. to call in and yell at him. These takes are foolish, but they are at least compelling enough to arouse anger.
Which brings us to former NFL defensive end Dexter Manley. The same Manley who infamously lost his job after calling Troy Aikman a homophobic slur. He aimed to take the trolling crown with his Brady take that he delivered on Washington D.C.'s 106.7 The Fan Thursday morning, and unfortunately for him he tries way too hard to be that guy.
"First of all let me tell you something, let me ask you guys a question: who would you take, Joe Theismann or Tom Brady?" said Manley, according to the Washington Post. "I'm taking Joe T...Tom Brady can't even pack Joe Theismann's jock...I think Tom Brady can't pick up a first down. He has no athletic skills, he's surrounded by good people, but the guy is in the toilet, in my opinion. In my opinion he's in the toilet."
Manley wasn't done there. He continued: "I'll take Joe Theismann, I'll take [Matt Ryan], anything over Tom Brady...I'll take Joe Theismann first, I'll take Matty Ice second, and I might take Doug Williams third, but I'm not gonna take Tom Brady to lead my team nowhere...Tom Brady is garbage. He can't pick up a first down. He has no athletic skill. He's surrounded by people, but Tom Brady is garbage. Garbage!"
Yawn.
By making such stunningly obtuse remarks, Manley's take is too daft to be a convincing troll-job. Saying Brady is "garbage" and "can't pick up a first down" is the lowest of low-hanging fruit, but his obvious dedication to trolling is too much for the comments to matter. There's no substance to it and certainly no arguments to back it up. It ceases to be controversial and becomes pitifully cringe-worthy.
I'll admit two things: 1. I haven't heard the audio of the interview, so it's unclear if Manley commented in jest; and 2. By writing 700 words about this I am feeding the troll. Manley has an NFL Network special on his life coming out soon, so he's trying to get his name out there. And as the Washington Post points out, Manley has been making outrageous statements to grab headlines for years. There's no way he believes what he's saying here. But admittedly, I'm playing right into his hands.
But I just had to point this out as an example of how not to troll New England about Tom Brady. If you want to tear Brady down, or just knock him down a few pegs, at least bring something that sounds like it came from planet Earth. Chris Simms makes me seethe when I hear him. His conviction makes me queasy. His BS is so nauseating that he practically rubs your nose in it. Manley's take is as boringly inane as it gets.
Manley obviously wanted to grab headlines today, and he will succeed tremendously. But when it comes to trolling Patriots nation, the region will emerge from this ice-cold take unfazed. If Simms is still king of the Brady trolls, Manley is nothing more than a peasant.
Correction: Chris Simms no longer has Tom Brady out of his top 5 quarterbacks. This week's rankings puts Brady at No. 3.
Matt Dolloff is a digital producer for CBSBostonSports.com and practically fell asleep on his keyboard reading Dexter Manley's ice-cold takes. His opinions do not necessarily reflect that of CBS or 98.5 The Sports Hub. Read more from Matt here and follow him on Twitter @mattdolloff.
