Keller @ Large: An ‘Exclusive Interview’ With The Cape Cod Bear
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BOSTON (CBS) – I had e-mailed the wandering bear my cell phone number after he was picked up on the Cape and shipped back to the woods of Central Mass. earlier this month, and much to my surprise and pleasure, I did receive a phone call from him late last night.
Listen to Jon’s commentary:
We talked for about ten minutes, a conversation repeatedly interrupted by his fumbling efforts to paw fresh quarters into the pay phone, and the connection wasn’t the best. But I was able to take good enough notes to reconstruct the following comments for you:
“Why did I head down the Cape in the first place? Why do you head down the Cape when the weather gets warm? It was sweltering out here in the woods, and I prefer canal swimming to the lakes, so I headed east. I also like soft ice cream and mini-golf, and it turns out the Cape is THE place to go for that.
I have to say, I was a little surprised at all the fuss over me being down there, and that the state went to such lengths to track me down, tranquilize me, and ship me back out here.
What’s up with that? You guys let coyotes run wild all over the place, attacking your pets and scaring the kids, and don’t lift a finger to stop it. But I go on a nice hike and don’t bother a soul, and it’s DEFCON 3 for the Wildlife cops?
I must say, it was very easy pickings to live off the land. You people do get lids with the trash cans you buy – why don’t you use them? And here’s a tip – if you don’t want me to drop by, try folding up your empty pizza cartons and putting them inside the barrel instead of piling them on top. Hello?
The bear police must think I’m stupid, because as you saw yesterday, they didn’t exactly deter my tourism by dropping me back out west.
I’ve heard so much about the one-percent from my friends in the Occupy Picnic Baskets movement I wanted to see for myself, and that’s why I was hanging out in the backyard of that mansion in Brookline. Wow, what a crib! You’d think they could afford garbage cans with lids, but that seems to be a problem for you humans that cuts across class lines.
Anyway, I woke up last night way out here in western Mass., but that’s not gonna stop me.
Maybe I’ll hit the Berkshires this time. They got one-percenters and mini-golf there too.
And I hear Tanglewood is picnic-basket central.”
You can listen to Keller At Large on WBZ News Radio every weekday at 7:55 a.m. and 12:25 p.m. You can also watch Jon on WBZ-TV News.