Adam Kaufman’s Holiday Wish List
BOSTON (CBS) – It’s that time of the year again, and my how quickly did 2011 pass us by?
The Patriots fell in almost predictably surprising fashion – if that makes sense – to the Jets after a first-round bye to open last year’s NFL postseason, and now none of us really knows what to expect come this next playoff go-round.
The Celtics? Time caught up with them last year, and they’ll try to give Old Man River just one more kick at the can come Sunday in what absolutely has to be the Big 3’s last hurrah…even if this is a couple of years after the last “last hurrah”.
So here we are, a new year just days away and many of us filled with new hopes, bigger dreams, full stomachs and lighter wallets. Thanks for that last one, as always, holiday season.
It’s time for my rather modest 2012 Holiday Wish List, sports and entertainment style. No ideas of grandeur here, all totally feasible.
1. I don’t even know where to start with the Bruins – what can we ask for that isn’t already happening, short of another Cup? Ever have two cute girls ask you out and you can’t decide which one to say ‘yes’ to, so you date them both until one becomes the favorite? Then you’re a dirt-bag. But, in the hockey world of goaltending, that’s a good problem to have and Claude Julien’s got it with Tim Thomas and Tuukka Rask. All we can ask is that they keep it up, but I can’t think of a better one-game-in-eight-days result than an 8-0 shellacking of one of the league’s best teams.
2. CSNNE should find a way to get Tommy Heinsohn on every Celtics broadcast this season, even the national ones. Hell, especially the national ones. It’s been less than a week of Celtics preseason basketball and already Tommy has said, “Big Baby was always a hamburger away from obscurity” of now Orlando forward Glen Davis, and “If this kid ever lost 70 pounds, what a great player he would be” of the recently released Michael Sweetney. To that, I just have this to say – Mid-season form.
3. 2012 would be an utter waste of a year in the pop culture, reality TV world without another Kardashian saga. Kim married and divorced Kris Humphries, evidently the NBA’s most hated player, inside two-and-a-half months, and Khloe’s husband Lamar Odom is taking that circus to Dallas. I ask for one of two things here: Either Kourtney finds an athlete, too, or Kim moves on to another sport. I’m thinking NASCAR.
4. Compensation for Theo Epstein given to the Red Sox. I don’t care if it’s Fenway Franks being served at Wrigley Field when the Sox visit Chicago with proceeds going to the Jimmy Fund, or simply a high-five between Epstein and Cherington caught on video followed by the words, “we’re cool, right?” – Something needs to be done to put this topic to bed.
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5. The Expendables 2 isn’t even out yet, but I couldn’t be more fired up with the addition of all the original cast members, PLUS Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris and Thor’s brother Liam Hemsworth. If The Expendables 3 doesn’t have Steven Segal, Jackie Chan and Wesley Snipes, then Hollywood’s forgotten how to make money.
6. As of only about a week ago, Wes Welker’s on Twitter. I’m not surprised his followers are into the hundred thousands, that was a given. My surprise is that he’s Ochocinco-like on there, surpassing 100 tweets within a few days and interacting with fans regularly. My hope here is this can be turned into something even more interesting. The Twitter accounts for David Ortiz and Rajon Rondo are boring to epic proportions, if it’s even them tweeting. Wes needs to start a campaign, maybe run for Town Selectman in Foxboro or something.
7. Tim Tebow, you’re the second-coming. Or, third-coming. I’ve lost count. Either way, with the world “Tebowing” to the point of text messages of beautiful naked women in the act getting forwarded around, it’s time for you to receive the highest honor. You should be mentioned in a rap song. All the greats hold that distinction and now it’s your turn. I nominate Lil Wayne or Drake. And, no, ESPN’s “All He Does Is Win” does not count.
8. I’d like to see the end of Celebrity Death Pools. Bob Barker can’t stand the way people look at him anymore, Don Rickles is just plain offended and Betty White feels left out.
9. Answers, I want answers. What is happening when new Red Sox pitching coach Bob McClure gets dismissed in Kansas City and yet he’s a good fit in Boston? How about when David West would rather play for the Pacers than the Celtics? Suddenly this is only a destination sports market for football and hockey? What happened there?
10. “Saturday Night Live” finally put out a good show last weekend with old cast member Jimmy Fallon hosting the Christmas episode. Of course, what made it so great was the return of so many old cast members from the last decade. In other words, the current cast needs help. Until that help comes along, I nominate going back to what’s worked with what you’ve got. Give me the “What up with That?” guy, Vinny Vedecci, “Scared Straight”, the two a-holes buying a Christmas tree and even a good digital short song from The Lonely Island. It’s just time.
Happy holidays, everyone, whatever your pleasure. Look forward to talking again in 2012, before the world ends, that is…
Adam Kaufman, a native of Massachusetts, joined the Sports Hub as an on-air personality in June 2011. He has worked as a television and radio anchor and broadcaster for various outlets since 2004, and his written views on sports and entertainment have appeared on NESN.com and in the New England Hockey Journal. You can follow him on Twitter @AdamMKaufman.