Adam Kaufman’s Post-Thanksgiving Thank You’s
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BOSTON (CBS) – Another Thanksgiving has come and gone and I thought I’d take this opportunity to send out a few thank you notes.
Obviously I’m thankful – an understatement, really – for my family, friends, health and work that I love…but that’s not what we’re doing here today.
1) Thank you, Boston Bruins. Unbeaten in regulation in your last dozen games with 11 wins spanning November and just one game to go in the month. Don’t feel bad there’s so much Patriots talk right now. You know how it goes during football season. And I’m sure you didn’t mind the Red Sox taking some of the heat in October. I gotta say, the one silver-lining to a cancelled NBA season would have been to see you get the attention you deserve come February as the only act in town for a couple of months. Either way, keep it up. Your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed and all the bandwagon-jumpers will be ready to hitch a ride again in April. A bonus thanks to Brad Marchand. I still can’t listen to Wiz Khalifa the same way.
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2) Thank you, Bill Hader. You’re one of the only people making “Saturday Night Live” worth watching these days. Between your Stefon, Vinny Vedecci, “Scared Straight”, Herb Welch and Vince Blight characters, plus your Al Pacino, James Carville and Alan Alda impressions, I have no hesitation in believing you’ll have the best “Best Of” the show ever puts out when you leave. You’re the new Darrell Hammond, without the cocaine.
3) Thank you, Rob Gronkowski. Your thunderous football spike is getting more attention than your touchdowns, so much so that a minor league hockey team wants you to spike a puck with no regard for the ice surface. I’m predicting a 20-minute delay for the opening face-off after the puck is spiked so hard that it breaks not only the ice, but a couple panes of glass. To the fans in the front row, watch out.
4) Thank you, NBA. As a proud Celtics season ticket holder, you have solved a curious situation for my friends and I this season. You see, our group of four has two new members who may be in for just one year. Had you washed out your season and they opted not to renew, they wondered if they could still say they were season ticket holders at one point. You know, like Kevin Costner wonders if he can say he was in the movie The Big Chill.
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5) Thank you, Josie Davis. You may remember her as Sarah Powell on “Charles in Charge” back in the 80’s. Everyone knows who Nicole Eggert is. Scott Baio got to know her real well. We loved Jamie Powell. Anyway, Josie, this was then and this is now. Kudos.
6) Thank you, Chad Ochocinco for not playing on Sunday because of your “hamstring injury,” but still tweeting plenty about Black Friday. My hamster brain rode the wheel for a bit and this made me wonder about your Black Market value. You’re sort of like a DVD I bought on the street on a trip to New York City. You’re a financial steal and I’m excited about the returns. But, then, when I play you, you just don’t work while someone somewhere is laughing at me. You’re my Hot Tub Time Machine.
7) Thank you, “Family Guy.” Your episode a couple of weeks ago flashing back to the 1999 pilot was genius. It may have been some of your best work in years. I always wondered what the Griffins did during cutaways.
8) Thank you, Kris Humphries. As we all expected, you were dumped by Kim Kardashian. Granted, not many of us thought that relationship would end before the NBA lockout, but that’s Hollywood. I really appreciate you handling the situation like any mature, heart-broken man…by calling your ex fat and stupid.
9) Thank you, Dale Sveum. Admittedly, I was starting to buy in before you took the job with the Cubs, but I think it’s all for the best that you go hang out with Theo in Chicago. We fans were skeptical to begin with after your tenure as third base coach. If you came in and failed, it would have been the fastest a Red Sox has been run out-of-town since Eric Gagne. This is win-win. Good luck with all that wind.
10) Thank you, Christian Slater. As a legitimate fan of your work, I can’t understand how networks can’t keep your shows on TV. I mean, I get “Breaking In” getting cancelled after seven episodes, but “The Forgotten” after 17 and “My Own Worst Enemy” after only nine? Those were good shows. Must be the same idiots that thought “Arrested Development” should be cancelled and “Community” deserved a mid-season time-out. At least we get to keep hearing your voice on those AutoTrader.com commercials.
11) Thank you, Tim Tebow. The most recent episode of “South Park” recently teased, among many things, the indecisiveness of Agnostics. Well, in that way, you’re making us all Agnostic. Most of us thought you’d waltz into the NFL and bust, yet somehow you keep getting the job done in the clutch. So, are you actually this good? Like the question over whether Dr. Pepper is root beer or cola, we don’t know. We can’t possibly know.
12) Finally, thank you American Reunion. I don’t care what anyone says, this movie has the potential to be incredibly funny and I’ll be there opening weekend. Getting everyone back was key, and enough time has passed for people to get excited again. Tara Reid needed work for beer money. Chris Klein wasn’t getting another Rollerball movie any time soon. The series can’t end without Jim’s dad hooking up with Stifler’s mom. Plus, Thomas Ian Nicholas is my doppelganger, so there’s that. Long live Rookie of the Year. Rosinbagger!
Adam Kaufman, a native of Massachusetts, joined the Sports Hub as an on-air personality in June 2011. He has worked as a television and radio anchor and broadcaster for various outlets since 2004, and his written views on sports and entertainment have appeared on NESN.com and in the New England Hockey Journal. You can follow him on Twitter @AdamMKaufman.