Flurries

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Snow, Snowflakes

(credit: Karen Buscemi)

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Jordan Rich is the host of “The Jordan Rich Show” on WBZ NewsRadio...
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BOSTON (CBS) – With the first snow arriving, a perennial event certain to wreak havoc on local roadways, today’s column offers a flurry of thoughts inspired by winter doldrums ahead…

 

The Red Sox collapse in September might turn out to be the best thing for the organization and its bottom line.  Not since 2003 and the horrendous Grady Little playoff debacle has there been this much talk about the old home town team.  Sports shows that would normally feature stimulating discussion about the exciting NBA strike, Revolution soccer or Belichick’s kindness to media members, are suddenly Red Sox red hot.  Thanks to John Lackey et al, we’re back in the misery game.  It feels familiar and somehow comforting.

 

I’ve landed by remote on Kim Kardashian’s wedding at least three times on one of cable’s dumping grounds.  There’s the perfect reason to tie the knot—to boost ratings for a very special The Kardashians.  Stay tuned for the February sweeps when we can expect christenings, house warmings, a bar mitzvah or two and if we’re lucky divorce court.

 

Herman Cain for president?  Why not.  He promises to put the knife to the federal deficit.  Better slice it in six Herman; I don’t think we Americans are hungry enough for eight.

 

Dancing with the Stars needs an overhaul.  Perhaps developing a competition in which actual talent is rewarded.  There but for Nancy Grace go us all.

One of the major car companies announced this week they’ll be manufacturing wider cars based on the fact that American drivers and their passengers have wider bodies.  That’s right, a fatter population means bigger and bigger gas guzzlers.  Sleek adorable two-seater sports car lovers take note—your days are numbered.

 

Since the completion of that shovel-ready marvel The Big Dig, I cannot remember a single trip in or out of Boston that hasn’t been clogged, stuck, snarled and mind numbingly frustrating.  Fourteen billion dollars later and I’m running later than ever.

 

Speaking of snow, don’t you love the stories of people rushing to the shops to by snow blowers and shovels only to find the shelves bare?  Sold out!  Question—we live in New England where winter seems to happen with some consistency.  How many natives have gone for winters without said shovels until now?  They are probably the same ones who never seem to have any milk, eggs or bread on hand during a snowstorm.  (Everyone knows the number one dish to make is French toast during a blizzard).

 

Dream on.  Steven Tyler fell in the shower.  The result was a black eye and several missing front teeth.  It is not the first time he has taken a tumble.  Aerosmith has announced a remix of their timeless classic, reissued as “DON’T Walk This Way.”  Mr. Tyler should contact Paul McCartney, Ozzy or Jagger fast to get a deal on those senior citizen bathroom safety devices for aging rockers.  Worst thing that can happen to someone as hip as Tyler is to break a hip.

 

The Boston Globe, in an exclusive investigation, reveals that much of the fish we order in restaurants isn’t what we thought we were ordering.  No wonder so much of it and everything else tastes like chicken.  Remember, you don’t often know what’s coming down the pike.  Chances are that fillet of sole could be pike.

 

Love Halloween and shame on those snotty do-gooders who want to rob kids of the fun of dress-up and candy.  One rule I would enforce constitutionally however.  I would ban all candy corn from store shelves.  It is truly a vile product—cheap and cheesy with artificial everything AND the taste and consistency and afterglow of a dental fluoride treatment.  Candy corn is basically sugar gone amok.  The only thing worse in terms of texture is Halva, that dense sweet concoction from the Middle East.  Thankfully, the only people who consume that seem to be aging relatives from the old country.  Children are unlikely to come into contact with it.  Yeccch!  One man’s opinion.

 

Leo DiCaprio is the best young actor of his generation.  He seems to act in the style of the old school performers, enveloping himself in character pretending to be someone else.  I detect less of a method system, more imagination.  For proof I suggest any number of films most notably “The Aviator” and the upcoming “J. Edgar.”

 

Isn’t it a shame that the new line of comic books featuring Superman, Batman and friends is aimed at hip readers in their twenties who demand flawed, sex crazed, drug addled heroes?  It sure doesn’t leave the little kids whom comic books were designed for with much.

 

The Occupy movement decries corporate greed and the capitalist way of robbing the average citizen of everything MAAANNN!  (REI Tents, Poland Spring, Taco Bell, Domino, Gore Tex, Zig Zag rolling papers, Apple Corporation, et al exempted)

 

And speaking of the movement, most police say they’d rather work any other detail than this particular type of crowd control.  Losing your career and/or pension due to constant accusations of police brutality by angry people itching for a chain reaction is no one’s idea of a decent day’s work.

 

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the family quarters at the White House after a presidential campaign swing.  “Barak, we need to have another talk about the sausages, pancakes, sundaes, pizza and cheeseburgers you wolfed down!”  “Just photo-ops Michelle, you’ve gotta believe me!”

 

Finally, October 29th was Positive People Day in Boston, aimed at stemming violence and promoting a sense of compassion and compatibility.  A flurry of activity in the right direction if you ask me.

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