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Keller @ Large: Stupefyingly Dull Celebrities

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Producer/director Judd Apatow arrives at the world premiere of 'The Change-Up' at the Village Theatre in Los Angeles, California August 1, 2011.(Photo credit ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

Producer/director Judd Apatow arrives at the world premiere of ‘The Change-Up’ at the Village Theatre in Los Angeles, California August 1, 2011.(Photo credit ROBYN BECK/AFP/Getty Images)

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BOSTON (CBS) – Reading the accounts of the president’s vacation on Martha’s Vineyard, I’ve been nearly overwhelmed by one pervasive emotion — boredom.

Listen to Jon’s commentary:

Not so much because of what the first family is or isn’t up to; it’s the details the bored reporters fill their presidential vacation stories with of what all the alleged Vineyard celebrities are doing that I find stupefyingly dull.

B-list Hollywood actors, filthy rich corporate executives, Harvard professors — accomplished people one and all, I’m sure, but whose party they’re attending, the appetizers they ate there, and their opinions on anything outside their own narrow area of expertise couldn’t possibly be less interesting.

It’s said that Americans have an obsessive fascination with celebrities of all kinds, and while I may not like it, I can’t deny it.

Exhibit A is a web site called “Her Campus,” which has released a set of college rankings in various categories, including “most celebrified campuses.” (By the way, there is no such word. I guess proper English is not a required course on “Her Campus.”)

Anyway, offering the dubious contention that “we all like to brag about who went to our school” and “carrying around the same diploma” as a celebrity “is a pretty special thing,” the web site goes on to connect some of the most boring celebrities of all time with their schools.

Did you know that Bill Gates and Natalie Portman went to Harvard?

That Judd Apatow went to USC? (By the way, who on earth is Judd Apatow?)

Who can ever forget that Stacy London went to Vassar, Felicity Huffman attended NYU, and David Alan Grier went to Michigan.

Are you yawning yet?

If you are behind the wheel, you’d better pull over while I mention that Claire Danes and Jodie Foster attended Yale, Ben Stiller went to UCLA, and Renee Zellwegger was a University of Texas Longhorn before she became one of the dullest human beings on earth.

Actually, I take that back.

If I sat down for coffee with Renee Zellwegger, I might find her fascinating.

It’s just the abstract concept of her that makes me crave a nap.

That, and reading about the Vineyard beach where Alan Dershowitz likes to skinny-dip.

Good lord, somebody give me coffee.

Black.

And make it a double.

You can listen to Keller At Large on WBZ News Radio every weekday at 7:55 a.m. and 12:25 p.m. You can also watch Jon on WBZ-TV News.

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