Keller @ Large: Stupefyingly Dull Celebrities

BOSTON (CBS) – Reading the accounts of the president’s vacation on Martha’s Vineyard, I’ve been nearly overwhelmed by one pervasive emotion — boredom.

Listen to Jon’s commentary:

Not so much because of what the first family is or isn’t up to; it’s the details the bored reporters fill their presidential vacation stories with of what all the alleged Vineyard celebrities are doing that I find stupefyingly dull.

B-list Hollywood actors, filthy rich corporate executives, Harvard professors — accomplished people one and all, I’m sure, but whose party they’re attending, the appetizers they ate there, and their opinions on anything outside their own narrow area of expertise couldn’t possibly be less interesting.

It’s said that Americans have an obsessive fascination with celebrities of all kinds, and while I may not like it, I can’t deny it.

Exhibit A is a web site called “Her Campus,” which has released a set of college rankings in various categories, including “most celebrified campuses.” (By the way, there is no such word. I guess proper English is not a required course on “Her Campus.”)

Anyway, offering the dubious contention that “we all like to brag about who went to our school” and “carrying around the same diploma” as a celebrity “is a pretty special thing,” the web site goes on to connect some of the most boring celebrities of all time with their schools.

Did you know that Bill Gates and Natalie Portman went to Harvard?

That Judd Apatow went to USC? (By the way, who on earth is Judd Apatow?)

Who can ever forget that Stacy London went to Vassar, Felicity Huffman attended NYU, and David Alan Grier went to Michigan.

Are you yawning yet?

If you are behind the wheel, you’d better pull over while I mention that Claire Danes and Jodie Foster attended Yale, Ben Stiller went to UCLA, and Renee Zellwegger was a University of Texas Longhorn before she became one of the dullest human beings on earth.

Actually, I take that back.

If I sat down for coffee with Renee Zellwegger, I might find her fascinating.

It’s just the abstract concept of her that makes me crave a nap.

That, and reading about the Vineyard beach where Alan Dershowitz likes to skinny-dip.

Good lord, somebody give me coffee.


And make it a double.

You can listen to Keller At Large on WBZ News Radio every weekday at 7:55 a.m. and 12:25 p.m. You can also watch Jon on WBZ-TV News.

  • RB

    A lot of colleges already use this tactic. I graduated high school in ’99 and for 2 years before that I received very few letters from college of any substance, but several trees worth informing me which celebrities have earned a diploma there and even name-dropping some executives from Paramount that no one’s ever heard of. Thanks to his then-recent popularity in ‘Seinfeld’ and ‘King of Queens’, I even found out where Jerry Stiller earned a diploma. Everything else about the college? That was left to generic statements about ‘broad degree offerings’ and ‘many extracurricular programs’. Apparently, knowing which celebrities went there was deemed a FAR more important aspect to prospective students.

  • jaygee

    First of all, the word “celebrity” has little meaning anymore when you see some of the halfwits that the label is affixed. We are becoming a nation of individuals who have no sense of history, geopraphy, simple logic or anything else that isn’t on television.I suppose that when you see 10 year olds walking around texting and talking on cellphones and either sitting in front of a television or a computer all day, then it is quite obvious how our world ranking is going down the tubes.

  • hojo

    Jon, “celebrified” may not be a legitimate word now, but that is how words originate. I’m still lobbying for “veracitor” to describe someone who tells the truth, but there may no longer be any need for such a word in our society.

    I must agree that we as a society are starstruck. Even our Presidents are afflicted with this malady. Witness who they invite to the White House, not your average citizens, that’s for sure. This obsession we have with “celebrities” is the reason these people are able to “earn” such obscene incomes. We are all at fault.

    • Jon Keller

      I thought a “veracitor” was a prehistoric bird.

      • hojo

        It seems that veracity is a prehistoric concept in our society.

  • Manager of Jon Keller Fan Club

    Just change the channel or shut if off if it bothers you.

  • Ron

    I always change the channel and watch reruns

    Jon are things really that slow in the newsroom???

  • justsayin'

    The more money a person makes the less interesting they become.

  • Alan Dershowitz skinny-dipping...

    ..yeah, thanks for providing that subliminal image. To make matters worse the man probably has more body hair than a Shetland pony stabled in Fargo in February.

  • BostonIrish

    I enjoy entertainers while I’m entertained. When the entertainment is over they can go home. I’ve no interest in their opinions or their styles of living.

  • ritchie tiemann

    Of course “celebrified” is a word. It’s been around awhile now. You need to de-procrusteanize yourself, Jon. Get with it. You ain’t hip to what’s happening in the world of words! By the way, “ain’t” is a word, have you heard?

  • emom

    I ain’t interested in celebrities that go around and prostitute themselves all in the name of $$$$$…. I mean some will do almost anything to get their mugs on and in the news for some crazy cause,,,, some don’t get me wrong are worthy,, some well leaves me YAWNING and begging for that EXTRA LARGE MOCHA LATTE SKIM MILK, WITH 3 SHOTS OF ESPRESSO… BRING IT ………….Iced of course. I never read the rag magazines, nor the celebrity mags and even those on TV,,, BORING…. Honestly If some of these celebrities had done an honest days work for what they get then maybe I could take a second look… They walk around like the world must BOW DOWN AT THEIR FEET…. What are they a kings or queens… When they start to act all pompous , and seem to demand attention,, that’s when I tend to loose respect for them… Sure growing up I followed the rag mags, and had a few teen beat mags OH and plenty of crushes… WHAT WAS I DREAMING OF…… Hey what can I say I was a teen ,,, puppy love was the in thing… Today I have a few celebrities I like, but I like them for what they have done on screen and stage. Could care less what they do other than that….. Why is it we have this need to be groupies when they are in town… hell they dress the same way we do .. RIGHT,,,,, so they are rich and famous … whoop de do , , big deal yahhoooooo, really now,,, Not my think… Lets see if I was in a room with at least 10 celebrities, depends on who they are. I would treat them as if they were human,,, not stock them and hound them for an autograph I would strike up a conversation with them and have an a great time just being with them…. So they are famous.. Rich and have the world at their finger tips,,, Give me that kind of money and well I would find plenty of good use for it and trust me It would not be to flaunt with , nor would I use it to buy top end over the top gold encrusted , diamond covered anything,… I would just live comfortably and be happy …. So they are famous ,,, YAWN Now If I could have tickets to see Bon Jovi up close,, I would be truly happy… Have martini’s with Sean Connery I would be in heaven, Cook with Chef Ramsie, Oh the skills I could learn and Have a chat with Julie Andrews , well these are a few of my favorite things… What you thought I didn’t like any famous folks, hardly,… I think many are boring … I find these folks intriguing and fascinating. So Jon up for a Mocha Latte , skim 3 shots of espresso iced…. My treat… I have learned so much just from what you write…. What you thought I would leave you out , The more I Read the more I learn and the more fascinating and intrigued I get.. Thank you Jon and keep it coming…

  • Mason Buddy

    The trick for Jon is to be seemingly more boring then the subjects he writes about. At this he succeeds admirably.

  • Vesyagog

    you will like Vestidos de noche online shopping

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