Reporting Jon Keller
NATICK (CBS) – When they gave the old Natick Mall a major makeover a few years ago, the owners decided the new look deserved a new name, something classier and more upscale than just the “mall.” So they named it “The Natick Collection,” as if you’re going to a museum instead of a shopping center.
But then the Natick Collection owners decided they wanted to “acknowledge tradition” by going back to the original name. So while the upscale stores and luxury condos are still there, the Natick Mall is now once again the Natick Mall.
I, for one, applaud this move. It reminds me of the TD Banknorth people deciding to restore the name Boston Garden to the building where the Celtics and Bruins play. And I hope it helps accelerate a trend away from pretense and back to reality-based naming.
Listen to Keller @ Large
For instance, it would be a relief, if not a cause for a champagne toast, if our political leaders would go back to calling taxes, taxes. No more talk of “revenue enhancements.” If you feel you need to raise my taxes, you’ll do better with me if you just come right out and say so, instead of talking about how all you really want to do is “restore fairness.”
Don’t tell me you’re promoting “traffic calming” when you’re putting a bump in the road to slow me down. Or if you must use jargon, call it “jerk calming.”
If you want to throw me a free cocktail to get me to come to your event, that’s very nice, just say so. Don’t tell me I’m invited to a “VIP reception.” I know what a VIP looks like, and when I look in the mirror, I don’t see one.
When I hear the announcer say some jock is a “pure but raw athlete,” I’m not fooled. I know that means the guy is strong like a bull but dumb as a fencepost.
Why say that old guy over there looks “distinguished” when what you really mean is, he looks old?
And if you’re peddling a tonic on the basis of its “refreshing taste,” we all know what that really means — it tastes like crankcase oil.
I could go on and on, but I gotta run. If I don’t leave for the mall now, I’ll never find a vehicular storage area.