Patriots fans are torn this week, sleepwalking their way through Sunday’s AFC Title Game battle between Sodom and Gomorrah.

Which is less evil to New Englanders? The Colts or the Jets in the Super Bowl?

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An Indianapolis appearance in Miami solidifies the Colts as one of the premier franchises of the decade, inches them (and Peyton Manning) closer to the Patriots (and Tom Brady’s) dynastic run of the 2000’s. Plus, it polishes the shoes of the sniping Bill Polian.

A New York win on Sunday means a hated rival validates its bombastic, arrogant and swagga-licious approach to the season, while placing its insufferable coach on the podium for another two weeks.

While another 14 days of Peyton Manning commercials (some funny, others not) could turn a Pats fan red, there would be nothing quite as aggravating as Gang Green’s incessant chirping during Super Bowl week.

The Jets, led by Bart Scott and Kerry Rhodes, have been telling everyone who would listen all season just how terrific the “new Jets” were.

“Have you heard? We’re great.”

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Usually, that’s for others to decide. Especially when you were a .500 team who tanked in the final two-months of last season and needed a complete retooling of the coaching staff and front office.

But the Jets were adamant they would punch other teams in the mouth (and short of that, might punch themselves as well. They were embroiled in numerous intrasquad battles during training camp).

Imagine Unsexy Rexy, complete with white turtleneck and black sweater vest choking the life from his XXXL gullet, waxing poetic about how all the experts were wrong and his team should never have been counted out (despite he himself admitting the playoffs were a pipe dream at 7-7 before a pair of teams decided to lay down in the season’s final two weeks).

If Patriots Nation is still not sold on pulling for the Colts to win this game, the final straw should come decked out in a fireman’s helmet.
Ask yourself this: Can you handle Fireman Eddie and tens of thousands of knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing Jets fans descending from their caves in Hempstead, Long Island and Clifton, New Jersey to take over Super Bowl week?

Vinnie from Mahwah has his parent’s time-share in Del Boca Vista where he and his buddies from Farleigh Dickinson will crash with cases of Milwaukee’s Best… Ice.

You don’t want this. You can’t handle this.

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We can only get through this by staying together. As much as it pain you, pull for the Colts on Sunday. Save the J-E-T… (argh)… chants for another day.