By Michael Hurley, CBS Boston
BOSTON (CBS) — No organization outside of the WWE can manufacture high-stakes drama the way the NFL can.
In the latest episode of Extraordinarily Rich Men Doing Extraordinarily Rich Men Things, commissioner Roger Goodell is imposing a hefty $2 million fine on Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. The reason? According to The Washington Post, the NFL bylaws include a resolution “that requires any owner who takes legal action against the league to cover both sides’ legal costs.”
Jones, as you might remember, went ballistic after Goodell imposed a six-game suspension on Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott, to the point where Jones was close to hitting the nuclear button. It was all hearsay and anonymously sourced reporting, but Jones was apparently poised to sue the league over a potential Goodell contract extension. (The $2 million fine seems to be something that would confirm all of those reports.) Upon discovering that he had zero support among his fellow owners, Jones backed off and accepted reality.
That reality now includes a $2 million fine to reimburse everyone’s legal fees — because if there’s one thing the NFL will absolutely refuse to waste millions of dollars on, it’s needless and ridiculous legal fees. The NFL, under Goodell, has been consistent about wisely and prudently expending funds for legal fees, so the fine for Jones falls in line with values held by the league office.
And in perfect Extraordinarily Rich Men Doing Extraordinarily Rich Men Things fashion, Jones is appealing the fine. Even though $2 million to Jones amounts to the cost of a sub sandwich to the average American, Jones is going to fight the charge. Some might even call it a peaceful protest, a right which Jones is afforded in this great country, and a right which Jones always encourages his employees to exercise.
And again, falling perfectly in line with the Extraordinarily Rich Men Doing Extraordinarily Rich Men Things motif, the person who will serve as the hearing officer for Jones’ appeal? That would be Roger Goodell, the man who imposed the fine to begin with.
That’s just wonderful.
And the kicker to all of this? It was decided upon by the finance committee, a group comprised of owners. One of those owners? Robert Kraft. That’s the same Robert Kraft who was referred to as a “p—y” by Jones when the Cowboys owner was really seeing red over the Elliott suspension.
Jones, of course, seemed to be bathing in a bathtub of glee when Kraft was getting the horns during DeflateGate, and Kraft returned the volley last November, albeit in a slightly more polished tone. Now, Kraft was able to help deliver another body blow with the imposing of the $2 million fine. The fact that Jones is going through the trouble of appealing it shows that it has upset him, which likely makes Kraft and some other Rich Men chuckle at their mahogany desks on an otherwise uneventful February afternoon.
“Ha ha!” they might say. “Look at that fellow rich man squirm! Truly a delightful sight to see.”
And so, that is where things stand. Tune in next time to Extraordinarily Rich Men Doing Extraordinarily Rich Men Things to see what inanities and absurdities will develop.