SALEM, NH (CBS) – A Salem, New Hampshire mother who overdosed in front of her two year old daughter at a Lawrence store is speaking out about her addiction and determination to get help.
“I want to learn to love myself again, to look in the mirror and be happy,” Mandy McGowan tells WBZ-TV in an exclusive interview.
Her image is already so public, the cellphone video that shows her passed out on the floor with her daughter trying to wake her, has gone viral. It’s an image she desperately wants to change and wants to send a powerful message.
“It shouldn’t have happened period. I shouldn’t have taken anything or been where I was or who I was with,” she says.
She was in a car with a friend on Sunday and had already sniffed fentanyl when she got a call to pick up her daughter at her stepson’s home. When her friend needed to go to Lawrence she decided to buy diapers at the local Family Dollar, but doesn’t remember the rest.
“If I knew I was going to be like that I wouldn’t have had my daughter with me. That’s not what I want my daughter to see, her holding my hand trying to get me up and crying her eyes out.”
She admits she hit rock bottom and has been spiraling for the last year. Knowing she had to get clean she reached out for help and was able to get into a Massachusetts treatment program, but was then turned away when the facility wouldn’t accept her New Hampshire Medicaid insurance.
“I want to wake up every day and not have anything, to go about my day with my kids.”
She’s without her daughter now who was placed in state custody, and while she knows the road to recovery is long one she’s found new determination.
“Don’t judge me. I had a two year old there and where I go people are pointing and it hurts.”
She hopes her treatment will be successful and she can regain custody of her daughter. Lawrence police are still considering filing child endangerment charges.
Late Friday night, Mandy was able to get into a treatment program.