By Beth Germano

SALEM, NH (CBS) – A Salem, New Hampshire mother who overdosed in front of her two year old daughter at a Lawrence store is speaking out about her addiction and determination to get help.

“I want to learn to love myself again, to look in the mirror and be happy,” Mandy McGowan tells WBZ-TV in an exclusive interview.

Her image is already so public, the cellphone video that shows her passed out on the floor with her daughter trying to wake her, has gone viral. It’s an image she desperately wants to change and wants to send a powerful message.

“It shouldn’t have happened period. I shouldn’t have taken anything or been where I was or who I was with,” she says.

Mandy McGowen (WBZ-TV)

Mandy McGowan (WBZ-TV)

She was in a car with a friend on Sunday and had already sniffed fentanyl when she got a call to pick up her daughter at her stepson’s home. When her friend needed to go to Lawrence she decided to buy diapers at the local Family Dollar, but doesn’t remember the rest.

“If I knew I was going to be like that I wouldn’t have had my daughter with me. That’s not what I want my daughter to see, her holding my hand trying to get me up and crying her eyes out.”

She admits she hit rock bottom and has been spiraling for the last year. Knowing she had to get clean she reached out for help and was able to get into a Massachusetts treatment program, but was then turned away when the facility wouldn’t accept her New Hampshire Medicaid insurance.

Video obtained by police shows Mandy McGowen who overdosed in front of her daughter. (Lawrence Police Department)

Video obtained by police shows Mandy McGowan who overdosed in front of her daughter. (Lawrence Police Department)

“I want to wake up every day and not have anything, to go about my day with my kids.”

She’s without her daughter now who was placed in state custody, and while she knows the road to recovery is long one she’s found new determination.

“Don’t judge me. I had a two year old there and where I go people are pointing and it hurts.”

She hopes her treatment will be successful and she can regain custody of her daughter. Lawrence police are still considering filing child endangerment charges.

Late Friday night, Mandy was able to get into a treatment program.

Beth Germano

Comments (19)
  1. Believe in yourself. You can do it. Life is good.

  2. Hal Jacobs PGA says:

    Consider yourself judged, period. You have a child…..drugs should never come first.

  3. Joe Doakes says:

    “Don’t judge me” she says. She would not want to hear my judgement.

  4. Dr. Jenkins says:

    She is now a Trump voter, in the basket

  5. People this defective should not be allowed to reproduce—period.

  6. Cantgitright says:

    People are in denial, but the war on drugs has been lost a long time ago. Make everything legal and get the abusers help…..

  7. Cynthia says:

    She lost her meal ticket to children’s services. Her drug money. Of course she wants to get help now. It’s only a 30 day program that is what those programs are all about. She needs the kid back to get the free money.

  8. JayR says:

    And the child is not in the care of her father because….?

  9. Rose says:

    Don’t judge her?? Really? Part of her punishment should be to watch this video every single day for the rest of her life to see and hear the pain her child experienced that day. It is just about the saddest thing I have ever seen.

  10. Katie Wahlberg says:

    Dear Mandy, This is the most painful video I’ve ever seen. I almost jumped out of my skin screaming at the people recording to pick up your little girl and comfort her!! (What in the h@#! was wrong with them?) I’m so glad you pulled through and I pray she’s Ok too, and that you two will be reunited. Obviously you’ve done a lot right by her, because she was very attached and concerned and bonded to you. Ignore any hurtful comments; IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. It only matters that she isn’t psychologically harmed and that her mom is alive and healthy and there for her, as someday she may be for you. Please, please anytime you’re tempted to relapse, watch that video and remember what a beautiful gift you have been given and the awesome responsibility that entails. If that’s not a reason to quit I don’t know what is.Much love to you and your little girl. I’m hoping and praying for a happy outcome to this story.

  11. Kelly Fuller says:

    Dear Mandy, I’m praying for you and your little girl. RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE!!! Don’t listen to people who have nothing more to offer than ignorant, hate-filled comments. They don’t matter. You can get better. I was in your shoes 7 years ago, and I thought my life was over. It wasn’t. I worked hard to recover, and my life today is beautiful. You will be able to get up in the morning and take care of your kids without needing anything. Don’t give up! You are not alone 💜

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