By Matt Dolloff

BOSTON (CBS) — Bill Belichick walks into a bar. It knocks him out cold. Waka waka!

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Silly jokes aside, what’s up with Bill Belichick’s face? He entered Tuesday’s press conference ahead of the Patriots’ AFC Divisional round matchup with the Kansas City Chiefs with a fresh shiner above his left eye. When asked about it, he delivered a typical Belichick deadpan: “I think I’ll live.”

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Surely the Patriots media will get to the bottom of this! Did Tom Brady hum a frozen football into Belichick’s face? Did Andy Reid try to Tonya Harding him with a crowbar? It’s likely that Belichick simply whacked his head on something, but this is the kind of thing that’s endlessly fun to speculate about as the mystery swirls around Foxboro.

Ultimately, none of this matters. But the world would be a better place if the Mystery of the Belichick Eye-Bruise was solved.

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Matt Dolloff is a writer for His opinions do not necessarily reflect that of CBS or 98.5 The Sports Hub. Follow him on Twitter @mattdolloff and email him at