By Karen Anderson, WBZ-TV

BOSTON (CBS) – After years of silence, Patty Macarelli and her son Shaun Halloran are speaking out about their husband and father Brian Halloran’s murder, and the abandonment they felt afterward by the FBI. Shaun says, “It took away me getting to know my real father. I don’t have any memories of him. I don’t remember him at all… My mother went through hell and back and people don’t know that.”

In 1982, Brian decided to cooperate with the FBI because he feared for his family’s safety. The FBI gave them a weekly stipend and a “safe house” on the Cape; They weren’t allowed to have contact with any family.

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But Patty says she learned afterward that deal with the FBI was a fatal mistake. She says Whitey Bulger believed Brian knew too much, and he gunned down Brian Halloran and an innocent bystander Michael Donahue in 1982 after Bulger was tipped off that Halloran was cooperating with the FBI.

WBZ-TV’s Karen Anderson reports

“They were just using him. They were just using him,” Patty says. Shaun explains, “He did what he had to do to protect his family and I don’t care to know the FBI was working with Whitey, and he was ratting.” He says, “They were supposed to be protecting him. Thinking what it was like for him to be out there and there were people shooting at him, and the FBI saying they’re going to protect him, and then they’re all in cahoots.”

After Brian was killed, Patty says she was left with no money and two babies, 4 months and 22 months old. “I had nowhere to live, not money, no car, nothing. I had no heat, no food, no phone, nothing. I used to have to carry my kids to the store.” She says the FBI, “Threw me out like I was nothing. Terrible. Terrible. I had to put my babies in front of the stove in the morning to stay warm.”

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Patty says of her husband, “He wasn’t an angel. But he was a good father.” Shaun says “Regardless of what he was involved in criminal wise, no one deserves to get left for dead like that especially because it was the FBI that sealed it up for him. It makes me angry.”

After Brian was killed, Patty says she was contacted once by the FBI. “They took me in the car over to the mall and they were asking me questions.” She says, “They gave me a thousand dollars parting gift. A thousand dollars.”

In 2009, Patty and her family were awarded 2 million dollars and the Donahues were awarded 6 million dollars after the federal government was found liable for their deaths. But that was rescinded because judges found they hadn’t filed the cases in time. Patty says she had no idea that she even had a case because she doesn’t watch the news. She only missed the deadline by weeks.

Shaun says the money doesn’t compare to his loss. “It’s a travesty of justice. It’s clear cut. 2 million dollars. That’s nothing compared to a human life. Me getting to know my father. If it was 20 million dollars. I’d take my father.”

They are grateful to Congressmen Lynch and Keating and Senator Kerry for filing bills to try to help them get their 2 million dollar award. Shaun says, “The congressman going for bat for us, I’m so appreciative… It gives us a little hope.”

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As for Bulger, Patty says, “He’s a monster. That’s what I think of him. He’s a monster.” Shaun says, “I just hope he suffers. Every day he lives and breathes in that jail cell I hope it’s just pain and suffering for him because that’s what he deserves.”