With the NHL lockout leading to the cancellation of more and more of the hockey season, the negotiations of commissioner Gary Bettman between the players union and team owners are looking less like a labor dispute with sports professionals and more like a bad date with someone your parents introduced you to. Are these contract disputes truly better or worse than your worst dating experience? Let’s take a look at the facts.
Tale of the tape
Tale Of The Tape: NHL Negotiations Vs. A Bad Date
|Locks you out of your workplace for months with security guards at the ready.||Being Stood Up||Leaves you drinking water and eating table bread at a restaurant for over an hour before letting you know they can’t make it.|
|People who look like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like someone who had ever picked up a hockey stick.||Who's Involved||Someone who looks like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like that online personal you replied to.|
|Undisclosed locations that sound like dingy basements with blood-spattered walls and one fluorescent light bulb in the middle.||Meeting Point||A self-help seminar on how to trust people again after your parents put your dog to sleep and tell you he ran away.|
|Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts can understand.||Conversations||Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts would, as far as they know.|
|Abruptly breaks off talks and doesn’t speak to the other party for a week.||Possible 2nd Date?||Runs crying from the restaurant and calls you up a week later to tell you, “we should do this again.”|
|More action and drama than the NHL has had as a sport in years.||Outsider Perspective||Hilarious to everyone involved except the two people on the actual date.|
The winner is
More Tales of the tape
NCAA Championship Game: #1 Louisville Vs. #4 Michigan
Rick Pitino has been here before, after making his 7th Final Four appearance, he’s now in his third go-round in the title game. He’s got plenty of experience on the big stage and he has the Cardinals playing high level basketball at the right time.
NCAA Tournament First Round: #4 Syracuse Vs. #13 Montana
This one is absolutely no contest. Jim Boeheim has reached three Final Fours and won a national championship (2003). He will bring his top-of-the-line acumen to the ACC next year, but for now, it’s to the big dance on behalf of the Big East.
NCAA Tournament First Round: #2 Duke Vs. #15 Albany
The Blue Devils suffered a tough loss in the quarterfinals of the ACC Tournament, but they’re still led by Coach K who has 79 wins all-time in the tourney and has made 11 Final Fours.
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