We’ve all done it before. Popped in our copy of Madden and played God by designing our own all-99 player. He runs a 4.1 40-yard dash, has the accuracy of Peyton Manning, the leadership of Tom Brady, and arm of Jay Cutler, and – just for kicks – the tackling power of 2001-era Ray Lewis. So who stacks up better – a figment of your video game imagination? Or real flesh and blood video game athlete Colin Kaepernick?
Tale of the tape
Tale Of The Tape: Colin Kaepernick Vs. Overpowered Video Game QB
|80. Wait, what? 80? Come on, EA Sports. You gotta get with the program.||Rating in Madden ‘13?||99, because you’re a cheater! YOU’RE A DAMN, DIRTY CHEATER!|
|While he doesn’t have an All-American superhero name like Joe Montana or Johnny Unitas, he does has a diphthong in his name, and that’s worth a few points.||Better Name?||Well, you get to name him, so he’s probably “Flex Strongarm” or “Jack-Rage Laserpunch.” And unrealistic as those are...there’s no arguing with them.|
|While he doesn’t have an All-American superhero name like Joe Montana or Johnny Unitas, he does has a diphthong in his name, and that’s worth a few points.||College?||Well, you get to name him, so he’s probably “Flex Strongarm” or “Jack-Rage Laserpunch.” And unrealistic as those are...there’s no arguing with them.|
|In his first playoff game Kaepernick put up 263 and 181 rushing yards, which was not only the most rushing yards a quarterback has ever gotten in a game (playoff or otherwise), but he also set a postseason rushing record for the 49ers regardless of position.||Most Impressive Performance?||It doesn’t matter what you did in your video game. It’s not as impressive.|
|All indications suggest that Kaepernick should be a reliable and entertaining quarterback for a number of years, pending any unforeseen circumstances.||Upside?||While your video game quarterback will provide hours of entertainment in the next calendar year, he will be a fossil by the time Madden ‘14 comes out.|
|When Kaepernick was 10, he got a tortoise named Sammy. That tortoise is now 115 POUNDS! AWWW HOW COOL IS THAT!?||Has an Awesome Pet?||No.|
The winner is
More Tales of the tape
NCAA Championship Game: #1 Louisville Vs. #4 Michigan
Rick Pitino has been here before, after making his 7th Final Four appearance, he’s now in his third go-round in the title game. He’s got plenty of experience on the big stage and he has the Cardinals playing high level basketball at the right time.
NCAA Tournament First Round: #4 Syracuse Vs. #13 Montana
This one is absolutely no contest. Jim Boeheim has reached three Final Fours and won a national championship (2003). He will bring his top-of-the-line acumen to the ACC next year, but for now, it’s to the big dance on behalf of the Big East.
NCAA Tournament First Round: #2 Duke Vs. #15 Albany
The Blue Devils suffered a tough loss in the quarterfinals of the ACC Tournament, but they’re still led by Coach K who has 79 wins all-time in the tourney and has made 11 Final Fours.
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