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Tale of the tape

NFL

  1. New York Jets v New England Patriots Cincinnati Bengals v Dallas Cowboys
    Tale Of The Tape: New England Patriots At Cincinnati Bengals

    Despite his cast of no-name receivers, Tom Brady is getting better and better each week. He is coming off an excellent performance at Atlanta, in which he completed 20-of-31 passes for 316 yards with two touchdowns.

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

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    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

  4. Quarterback Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots leads the team onto the field on September 12, 2013. (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images) falconscredit1.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: New England Patriots At Atlanta Falcons

    Matt Ryan is one of the best regular-season quarterbacks in the league. That’s meant as a compliment, but when you don’t win in the postseason, it impacts your reputation.

  5. ravenscredit2.jpg billscredit2.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: Baltimore Ravens At Buffalo Bills

    Joe Flacco is the best player on the Ravens. Much more is expected of him this year because the Ravens’ defense is quite vulnerable.

  6. bengalscredit1.jpg browns2credit.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: Cincinnati Bengals At Cleveland Browns

    Andy Dalton and the Bengals came away with a terrific home victory over the Green Bay Packers in Week Three.