Fantasy wunderkind and all-around decent guy Andre Johnson just did something pretty nifty. He purchased over $17,000 worth of toys for children in Child Protective Services. It’s an awfully kind gesture, especially during the holiday season. But how does Johnson stack up against the ultimate gift giver, Santa Claus? Let’s go to the tape:
Tale of the tape
Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus – How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?
|4.41 Seconds||40 Time?||I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.|
|A svelte 227 pounds.||Weight?||Probably more than that.|
|5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too).||Receiving TDs this year?||None?|
|$17,352||Estimated value of Presents||Millions and millions|
|Yep!||Is he real?||Who’s asking? Where are your parents?|
|...I’M GONNA BE RICH!||Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him?||Set it to a song!|
|Stranger! I’m calling the police right now.||Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing?||Weeeeeeee! Presents!|
The winner is
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