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Keller @ Large: Harvard’s Next President Should Be David Ortiz

BOSTON (CBS) – Fascinating read the other day in the Boston Globe about arguably the most important story of the year to that odd-but-endearing subset of our community who thinks the sun rises and sets around news of Harvard University.

Drew Faust, who you surely knew has been president of Harvard for the past decade or so, is stepping down soon, and the process of finding her successor is in the hands of a 15-member search committee. While I’m confident the Globe tried hard, it is apparently easier to crack the nuclear codes on an Ovaltine Secret Decoder Ring than to eavesdrop on their proceedings.

Several big names – former president Barack Obama among them – are mentioned by the Globe, guaranteeing that they are not in the mix. But I can rule out only one name – my own.

I grew up in Cambridge, and if there’s one thing we know about Harvard, it’s that they have a low tolerance for townies.

However, I do have the perfect candidate to shake the donors down, intimidate the faculty, amuse the students, and otherwise keep Harvard cranking.

He would be a precedent-shattering choice for Harvard, injecting a badly-needed dose of diversity into upper management.

He is a proven-successful entrepreneur whose marketing skill would help keep the Harvard moneymaking machine in high gear.

He would be the most personable and charismatic Harvard president ever, in a league of his own.

He would make Harvard, which has been slipping behind the likes of Stanford and MIT in the academic standings, a runaway frontrunner again.

But there’s only one problematic question:

Would David Ortiz be willing to take a pay cut?

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