Mike In Woburn Introduces 'Felger & Mazz In Context: DeflateGate Was No Speeding Ticket'
By Mike In Woburn, 98.5 The Sports Hub Contributor
BOSTON (CBS) -- Normally when Mike Felger or Tony Massarotti says something so fundamentally incorrect that just hearing the offending statement causes cerebral pain, a phone call to the show is needed to right these cosmic wrongs. But sometimes the factual damage wrought by these two can't be undone with 90 seconds of irate sentence fragments, and a more thorough intellectual exorcism is required.
Thursday was one of those days, so without further ado, I bring you the first ever installment of ... Felger & Mazz In Context.
If you were listening to Felger and Mazz yesterday, you may have heard Michael Felger comparing the Patriots being punished for deflating footballs and getting caught speeding.
Now normally, if a host were to suggest an analogy so ludicrous, CBS company policy would mandate that a battery of toxicology tests be performed. But it's Felger, and after nine months of his post-DefelateGate inflammatory invective, a proclamation such as this has become Mikey's bread and butter.
So let's play along and compare getting a speeding ticket with what happened to the Patriots during DeflateGate.
For a speeding ticket to be enforceable, you kinda sorta have to be actually, you know, speeding. And despite Mike and Tony's fondest desires, nobody can prove "They did it."
Now say you were ticketed for speeding. The actual reading on the radar gun is what determines whether or not a violation took place. For the DeflateGate analogy to fit, the cop clocking you would have had to have been in possession of two different radar guns: one that said you were speeding and one that didn't. And on top of that, the cop who wrote the ticket wouldn't recall completely which radar gun he used at the time but thinks it was the radar gun that had your traveling speed under the limit. Guess what? Even if "You did it" -- as Felger likes to utter as much as possible -- you're not going to get a ticket for speeding.
Let's even take this ridiculous analogy one step further. Say the state hires a lab that analyzes all the data from the case to prove that you were speeding. If at the end of their testimony you point out a footnote at the bottom of their report that basically says "…our experts concluded that the radar guns' measurements did not provide a scientifically reasonable basis for determining the speed of a car," then it doesn't matter if "You Did It." You're not getting a ticket for speeding.
It wouldn't matter if you exchanged multiple texts with your friends who nicknamed themselves "The Accelerator" and "Vapor Trail" or if you own a 600-horsepower Mustang King Cobra. They aren't enough to make a ticket stick if they can't accurately record your speed, even if "You Did It."
Now another factor that makes this comparison laughable is the punishment. The punishment for a speeding ticket is clearly defined. So, too, was the punishment for being outside the inflation levels of a football. The police can't make up the punishments based on how likable the driver is. For the ticket analogy to fit, the cops would have to cite you for going 36 mph in a 35-mph zone and then fine you a million dollars, lock you up for four weeks and burn down your kids' swing set ... basically because you have the nicest lawn in the neighborhood and nobody likes you because of it. But that's basically what happened with DeflateGate. Two teams that despise the Patriots conspired with their cronies in the league office to turn a minor equipment violation into a way to settle a petty score.
But Felger is right about one part of his analogy: Patriots fans should feel wronged. Your team was set up and even framed to an extent. The league went out of its way to subvert actual justice and damage your team for the most minor of offenses based on owner bias and a league vendetta. Only the sanity of federal court mitigated the damage.
No, Mike, DeflateGate wasn't anything close to getting a speeding ticket. And that's the problem. Given the offense, it should have been.
Mike In Woburn, formerly known as Mike From Attleboro, is a regular caller to the Felger & Massarotti Show. You can find him on Twitter @MikeFromATown.
