Toucher & Rich

With the rumor mill saying that it looks like LeBron James may be about to do the unthinkable and return to the Cleveland Cavaliers, Toucher & Rich decided to call up old friend Scott Raab, author of “The Whore of Akron” and noted anti-LeBron native of Cleveland.

Raab said he thinks there’s about a 1-in-4 chance that LeBron returns to the Cavaliers, noting that James’ wife is pregnant with their third child and is from Ohio. What troubles Raab, though is how willing and eager so many Cleveland fans are to welcome back LeBron with open arms. And he’s willing to use some colorful language to explain himself.

“That’s the part that really sickens me a bit,” Raab said, “because whatever LeBron’s doing, whatever LeBron’s agent is doing, whatever [Cavaliers owner] Dan Gilbert is doing, if the fans are that devoid of any sense, any pride, any dignity, if that’s what you’ve reduced yourself to is begging some guy who didn’t just walk away — but really took an hour-long dump on you. And you can’t wait for more. That’s not the agent’s fault, it’s not the player’s fault and it’s not Dan Gilbert’s fault. That’s your fault.”

Raab further explained his feelings about the fans who are begging for King James to return to Cleveland.

“Is all forgiven? For a lot of people, apparently yeah. I really don’t feel proud of the Cleveland fan base at this moment,” Raab said. “I’m hard-pressed to come up with a single example anywhere in the world of a case where a player doesn’t just leave — of course, nobody left quite like LeBron left — but someone who really rubbed the city’s face in filth, and they can’t wait to get punched again. Can’t wait.”

So what should Cleveland fans want? Raab said the feelings put to paper (in Comic Sans) in Dan Gilbert’s letter back in the summer of 2010 should still prevail.

“He writes the letter, whatever purpose it served, let’s stick to that. Can we stick to that?” Raab said. “Why don’t you go ahead, Dan, and you have all of these No. 1’s, and all the money in the world, why don’t you build? You’ve had four full seasons to build a team that would either attract LeBron James without all of this BS, or actually play the kind of basketball that would let the fans enjoy being fans and maybe hope for an NBA title without having to wind up on your knees groveling to another young billionaire? What the heck? I mean, seriously!”

Raab went on to say that he doesn’t even think the addition of LeBron would make the Cavaliers legitimate championship contenders.

“I like Kyrie Irving fine, I’m hopeful about Andrew Wiggins’ future, I could list the whole roster, but when you put it all together, adding LeBron in the Eastern Conference … look, those fans — and me — have seen nothing but misery since he left,” Raab said. “You can’t just throw up that roster, add LeBron James and reasonably expect — if you’ve watched any of the NBA playoffs — you can’t reasonably expect a team that has zero — zero! — playoff experience, that couldn’t even make the Eastern Conference eight spot last year, that won 33 games (that was a huuuge leap forward for the Cleveland Cavaliers) to just pipe dream about throwing LeBron in the mix and suddenly having NBA championship parades just seems absurd to me. … I’m not saying in the East that they’re not instantly a competitive team with LeBron James, but following it as closely as I do online, on the air, in print in Cleveland, people there have the same kind of insanity that has them begging for a guy who may not return anyway and who really left horribly the last time. The same kind of insanity really does happen. I don’t know that those people are paying attention to any other team but the Cleveland Cavaliers if they actually think that simply adding a 30-year-old LeBron James equals 50, 60 wins and a deep run into the playoffs the first time around. I just don’t know that that’s something I would take for granted.”

Listen to Raab’s entire interview with Toucher & Rich below.


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