Here are the questions:
1. You are Red Sox rookie shortstop Xander Bogaerts. In your first full year in the big leagues you’ve struggled in the field but have been more than okay at the dish. To ail your fielding woes, the Sox have brought in last year’s shortstop Stephen Drew and the plan is to move you to third base. Do you want to be traded?
Jones as Bogaerts: “I’m not thrilled with the Stephen Drew thing. I told that to everybody the last couple of days. I’m a shortstop at heart. But I don’t want to be traded. In my first year in the major leagues I’ve already won a World Series, and I want to play for a class organization like the Red Sox. I am getting jerked around a little bit. I don’t like the Drew signing, but at least it’s only for one year.”
2. You are Celtics president of basketball operations Danny Ainge. You’ve said all season long you think the upcoming draft class is overrated and overhyped, but we just heard through Wyc Grousbeck on Felger & Mazz that there’s about six guys you really like. Who are the six players?
Jones as Ainge: “I like you Keefe, so I’m going to be honest with you. I lie to other media members but not you. I do like six players. The obvious three at the top. I’m not as big on Andrew Wiggins as everybody else is, and if I had the first pick I would take Jabari Parker. I like Joel Embiid. I also like Dante Exum. The other two are Marcus Smart and Dario Saric. One of those guys will be on the board when we pick.”
3. You are Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs. You’re up two games on the Thunder and need just two more wins to advance to the NBA Finals. If you win it all will you retire?
Jones as Duncan: “Hell yeah. I was ready to retire last year. All we needed to do was finish off the Miami Heat and I could have rode off into the sunset and finally rested these tired bones. I’m ready to go out on top.”
4. You are Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. You made some controversial comments recently about sterotypes about black kids in hoodies. Do you regret the comments you made?
Jones as Cuban: “I do. I put more attention on myself. In a league where we’re trying to get rid of Donald Sterling, people will now look at me and say I have racist thoughts. I just wish I used different examples. I should have gone with a more extreme example.”
5. You are Boston mayor Marty Walsh. You lost a wager with the Montreal mayor and had to fly a Canadiens flag outside of city hall. What do you have up your sleeve next as far as sports bets with other mayors?
Jones as Walsh: “I’m going to make a bet with Minnesota — the city of Minnesota if you will — that we take Kevin Love from you just like Kevin Garnett, just like we took David Ortiz and indirectly took Randy Moss from you. That’s the city. I want to make a bet with the mayor of Minneapolis-St. Paul — I’m not even sure if the twin cities have separate mayors. Some mayor of a Minnesota city. I’m a compulsive gambler. I had to wear a Peyton Manning jersey. I had to fly the Canadiens flag. If I lose this bet I will get inside a cage with a real timberwolf.”
“I don’t even think that’s safe. The actual timberwolf? Holy smokes. It seems like you’re chasing now. You might want to just let it come to you,” joked Keefe.
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