Gresh & Zolak’s Festivus: Airing Out The Sports Grievances Of 2013
BOSTON (CBS) – It’s that special time of the year, when everyone is happy and has no issues whatsoever.
Wait, that doesn’t sound right. This is Boston, and everyone always has something to complain about. And that’s what Festivus is all about!
It’s the last show of the year that Andy Gresh, Scott Zolak, Hardy, and producers Jim Louth and Mark Feldman will all be together – so it’s the perfect opportunity to get stuff off their chest.
(For those of you sending us your tweets, it should be noted that “i” comes BEFORE “e”, except after “c”)
2013 Sports Grievances
- “David Ortiz bitching about his contract every year.”
- “To the martian across the street who wants to know why I don’t like him: if I don’t acknowledge you it’s because I don’t respect you. You don’t exist in my world.”
- Wallach’s Army sweater – “I’m more of a Navy guy.”
- “The fans who say ‘Pay Ortiz what he wants! He’s clutch! He’s won 3 world series!’ – this new GM has a plan, it’s called frugality and he’s not handing out stupid contracts.”
- “The “defense” signs at football games – it’s been 20 years already! Think of something more creative!”
- Gary Tanguay’s glasses
- Any grown man who paints his face and/or wears a glove to a baseball game
- People on their cell phones at baseball games waving to the camera like, “Hey look at me I’m at the game!”
- Don’t dress up in costume – ever – and go to a sporting event.
- Teams that hand out thundersticks.
- People that kill each other over t-shirts launched out of cannons at basketball games
- To all the softball players: wearing #69 isn’t cool or funny. Stop that.
- All the Tim Tebow fans who attacked me on Twitter for saying he couldn’t play – where’s Tebow now?
- Short sleeve NBA uniforms. You look like volleyball players. And while we’re on the topic, why are they allowing nicknames on the back of NBA jerseys? What’s next…bedazzled uniforms?
- Former players who feel the need to wear bow ties on TV – it doesn’t make what you’re saying any better.
- Hey Brian McCann, who made you the policeman of home plate?
- 20-second timeouts in basketball are never actually 20 seconds
- Intentional fouls at the end of basketball games that turn them into a free throw competition
- Speed up these baseball games! Pedroia, quit stepping out of the box and adjusting your batting gloves! Put ‘em on the clock!
- Fans should hold Welker accountable for not taking the 3 year $24 million deal the Patriots offered in the summer of 2012 – he made less money taking the franchise tag and signing with Denver. Patriots didn’t cheap out like most fans think.
- Michael Felger – the “self-serving, self-vindicating ass clown” who “over-exaggerates everything” and “baits the callers” and “makes the callers wait an hour to get on air.”
- Celtics are in the business of making money – why would they tank? Tank talk by fans is stupid.
- People need to leave Tommy Heinsohn alone, “he’s a national treasure.”
- The Patriots are still an elite franchise and the Spygate stuff “makes me sick.” The Pats need one more Super Bowl to “shut these people up.”
- People need to stop bitching about sports teams in this region – we have it better than any other city.
- The Bruins D-to-D passing – get it out of the zone already.
- Alex Rodriguez…just Alex Rodriguez in general.
- The Felger & Mazz Show not allowing pleasantries.
- The regular season ball washing of Peyton Manning, who’s tied for most postseason losses in NFL history
- Women who refer to their favorite player as “their husband” on Facebook – you’re not married!
Audio Roadshow 10 Seconds Of Glory:
- The NFL has too many damn commercials.
- When Gresh gives the callers nicknames (i.e. calling somebody “E” when their name is Eric).
- It’s “I couldn’t care less” not “I could care less.”
- “If Gresh uses the term ‘cranius-rectus’ one more time I’m jumping off the Tobin.”
- Gresh’s voice.
- Did Zolak actually see unicorns and show ponies? I need to know.
- Bob Costas telling everyone how to live their lives during halftime of the NBC games.
Joe Proulx (@BackyardHockey) December 20, 2013
Buddy Baribo (@Baribo12) December 20, 2013
Woz (@wozzinator) December 20, 2013
Don Kimmence (@dkimmence) December 20, 2013
Brad Letourneau (@letno5) December 20, 2013
Roy Evelyn Richards (@finna_swag) December 20, 2013
Sean Caulfield (@Seanismoney) December 20, 2013
Dr. Joshua Doty (@DrJoshuaDoty) December 20, 2013
Benjamin Porter (@bbrownporter) December 20, 2013
Mark Fuery (@HockeyGeek38) December 20, 2013
SeanPaul Jones (@dirtywaterjones) December 20, 2013
Larry Marchese (@LarryMarchese) December 20, 2013
Jill Boucher (@jill_boucher) December 20, 2013
Michael Dauenhauer (@MikeDowns4) December 20, 2013
#sportsgrievances I hate when Felger says "YOU" when he refers to the Patriots or other Boston teams but only in a negative way.—
Uncle Leo (@therealuncleleo) December 20, 2013
Chris Chenard (@Chris_Chenard) December 20, 2013
Sean Caulfield (@Seanismoney) December 20, 2013
StoJa9 (@JStoesz9) December 20, 2013
John Carpenter (@John_Carpenter1) December 20, 2013