A Christmas Eve Poem
BOSTON (CBS) – A Politically Correct Christmas Poem – Author Unknown
Retrieved from the website Funny Christmas Poems
T’was the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”.
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, that looked really stupid!
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she’d enough of this hectic life,
She joined a self-help group and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on that her title be Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he’d never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
No candy or sweets…they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no soccer…someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé;
And Angry Birds would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every nationality, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere…even you.
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth…
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth.