OMG…..My Brackets Are Busted……..NOT!!!!!!
I can’t believe it…….brackets all over the country are in a total mess this morning, huge front page news in every newspaper in America and before this weekend is over, all remaining brackets will begin to crumble. What on earth are we going to do? First thing will be to explain to me what the hell a bracket is. I’ve never had one, I’ve never filled one out (if that’s what you do with them) and this morning, I’m here to tell you, I’m one of the few reasonably stable, presumably well-adjusted Americans who enjoyed breakfast, quietly read the morning paper and headed out for my daily three-mile walk, not the least bit concerned……about brackets…..mine (which I don’t have) or anybody elses.
I’m here today to speak for……what, maybe 10% of red-blooded Americans who honestly don’t give a rats behind that Norfolk State beat No. 2 Missouri in Omaha, Nebraska and Lehigh stunned Duke in the NCAA tournament. March Madness? “Yeh Baaaby” but I’m more excited about driving roughly 700 miles over the weekend to visit some “lefty” friends in Bowling Green, Kentucky and seeing some of the countryside, than watching one minute of 6-foot 9-inch basketball players stuffing a ball through a hoop. I’ve seen brackets, I’ve seen coworkers huddle around them in the newsroom for many years, but I’ve never filled one out because invariably, the person to win the entire thing, year after year, is some woman up in accounting who picked her teams based on the color of their uniforms. Speaking of that….how did Norfolk State with those ugly green uniforms, win anything? My old partner and sports guru Gil Santos used to say to me….”don’t bother Frenchman, you don’t know if a basketball is blown-up or stuffed…this game isn’t for you.” This of course was coming from a Portuguese five-foot 8-inch white guy, not unlike myself, who also can’t jump…..but trust me, he never won the bracket thing either.
Okay, so the Gators beat the Cavaliers (prettier uniforms), FSU whooped Bonaventure (had to with uniforms that color), some Tar Heels from North Carolina beat up some hay-shakers from Vermont, some Bearcats from Cincinnati beat on some Longhorns from Texas (no, I still don’t care) and Peyton Manning should retire. Yes I know it’s not basketball, but it’s not beanbag either and it appears Peyton fought with his ego and lost. Much too dangerous for him to play, but I fear he’s going to and go out the hard way instead of his way.