BOSTON (CBS) – Last weekend during 98.5 The Sports Hub’s Johnston and Flynn, ace producer Tracy Clements stumbled upon a website that appears to have been around a while, What’s My Twitter Account Worth?
The site basically achieves a few goals…
1) By some undefined metrics, it analyzes twitter accounts and attaches to them a monetary value…you know, for when some idiot actually tries to sell a twitter page. It’s bad enough that soon enough we’ll have advertising all over them.
2) It’s a fun, competitive, remarkable waste of time. Trust me, I’m wondering where the last hour went, yet I couldn’t stop myself. In case you’re curious, Lady Gaga leads the world at about $10 mil…for her twitter page.
3) After a while, it makes you start to hypothesize over your twitter account’s street value. Take mine, for instance. It says @AdamMKaufman is worth $348. C’mon. Tweet at me if you’d actually throw me a $50 spot and it’s yours!
So, I got to thinking some more about our favorite Boston athletes on twitter and how they stack up against one another. Without further ado, your top 10:
10) Patriots less popular tight end Aaron Hernandez (@AaronHernandez) – $34,983
9) Celtics sharpshooter and son of God…or Denzel…Ray Allen (@greenRayn20) – $44,540 (and he hasn’t tweeted in two years!)
8) Bruins sophomore center and resident Cup-winning dreamboat Tyler Seguin (@TylerSeguin92) – $45,095
7) Red Sox heartthrob and useless-outfielder-turned-MVP-snub Jacoby Ellsbury (@JacobyEllsbury) – $52,044
6) Red Sox slugger and hater of alcohol in the clubhouse because it takes business away from his restaurant David Ortiz (@DavidOrtiz) – $108,527
5) Patriots more popular tight end and expert football – and now puck – spiker Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) – $116,053
4) Patriots receiver Wes Welker, aka the only man to pull off red pants and a mustache (@WesWelker) – $161,364)
3) Celtics guard – for now? – and lover of playground-rules basketball Rajon Rondo (@RajonRondo) – $210,893
2) One of the best Celtics of all-time, maybe the best to a certain generation, Paul Pierce (@PaulPierce34) – $1,032,815
And the Boston athlete with the most valuable twitter account is…really no surprise, I’m sure.
1) Patriots flameout…err, wideout…Chad Ochocinco Johnson Smith, or whatever his name is now (@Ochocinco) – $1,634,356
As anyone who follows these accounts knows, some are only occasionally fun to read and they’re often used as PR vehicles. Welker’s been entertaining because he basically treats the thing like a new bike. I can almost hear him telling his fiancé, “one more tweet, baby, I’ll be right in.” And, Ocho, what’s better than when he gets into tweet-beefs?
Thing is, if I had to pick one guy from each Boston pro team to have a twitter account, not a one of ‘em is on there currently and all would be in the top 10 of that above list within a week of signing up. But, they’d have to be genuine, funny-loving twitter users to be entertaining…not produce the fluff stuff we’ve come to expect from lots of superstars out there. See Phoenix’s Paul Bissonnette (@BizNasty2point0) for how to do it right.
That group includes Tom Brady, Dustin Pedroia, Brad Marchand and Kevin Garnett. Just go ahead and tell me you wouldn’t be dying to read about Brady sitting down to watch The Notebook with Gisele, Pedroia hitting the gym so he can belt more “cage bombs”, Marchand’s Four Square location bar-hops around Faneuil Hall or KG typing out his favorite lines from “Family Guy” while rocking out to Genesis. If none of that interests you, you’re a liar and you can’t buy my twitter.
Before I go, let’s localize this even more with the worth of some Sports Hub twitter accounts:
Shout-outs as well to Tony “Naughty” Massarotti (@GlobeMazz) at $6,887, Scott “the future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades” Zolak (@ScottZolak) at $6,840, and Fred Toucher (@FredToucher) at $6,376 – I wouldn’t make fun of him if you paid me.
Let’s also not forget Andy Gresh (@GreshandZo) at $5,471, “Women of the DA Show” host, dreamer and number one fan Damon Amendolara (@theDAshow) at $4,284 and, my personal favorite account, Mike Felger’s @MikeFelger, which has thousands of followers, zero tweets, only follows his wife and two employers and is valued at $1,640. I’m also pretty sure he didn’t even create it.
As for me, like I said earlier, my account’s worth less than a monthly car payment, but I’m hoping to net more in free agency.
[Editor’s note: These values were calculated as of 5:30 p.m. on February 28, 2012]
Adam Kaufman, a native of Massachusetts, joined the Sports Hub as an on-air personality in June 2011. He has worked as a television and radio anchor and broadcaster for various outlets since 2004, and his written views on sports and entertainment have appeared on NESN.com and in the New England Hockey Journal. You can follow him on Twitter @AdamMKaufman.