Money Matters - Tough Money Conversations: Talking With Elderly Parents About Their Money!
BOSTON (CBS) - Even the experts have problems when it comes to their parents!
[Audio https://assets1.cbsnewsstatic.com/i/cbslocal/wp-content/uploads/sites/3859903/2011/01/january-28-2010-money-matters.mp3|titles=Talking With Elderly Parents About Their Money|artists=Dee Lee]
I read an article in Bottom Line Personal a biweekly newsletter entitled "How to Get Your Parents to Open up About Their Finances". After all was said and done the author, Dan Taylor, who is an elder law attorney and author of The Parent Care Conversation, never got his dad to do the necessary planning.
Having a conversation with your parents about money, especially theirs, is going to be tough! Parents do not want to reverse roles with their kids. They want to be in control.
If your parents live far away, do not expect to visit for a long weekend and get everything resolved. Once you start the process it could years to reach the point where your parents are comfortable discussing money with you.
Getting things in order for them as well as for yourself will take fortitude on your part but the end results are worth it. A word of caution - remember this process will only work if your parents want your help. Forcing your help on them is counterproductive. Give the process time. Your parents will eventually be grateful for the help
Bring up the fact that you've just heard a financial planner on the radio and you realize how much you needed to organize your affairs. Talk about the general benefits such as knowing where things are, what estate planning documents you needed and the comfort level you have knowing things are in order if something should happen.
Ask them if something should happen to them who would they like to handle their finances? Ask them what you can do to help them maintain their independence.
Ask your parents if they have some concerns about outliving their money? Do they have health care concerns? Are they concerned about living alone? Do they think they could remain in their own home? Are they concerned about going to a nursing home? All open ended questions.
Explain to them you wish to lay the groundwork now before something does happen. As this process goes on, hopefully they will realize that if they are ever in a position where they will need your help, you'll know where to begin.
Be sensitive to their concerns and to the fact that they are slowly losing control over their lives and try to understand the anger and frustration that accompanies this loss of control. This process will truly be a lesson in patience.
As you work through this process, remember someday you may be in their shoes. And think about this; someday your kids may be having these very same conversations with you!
