George Carlin was a genius. No “comedic” qualifier needed. Shortly before Carlin died, two years before the Tiger Woods scandal and around the time of the Michael Vick scandal, Carlin taped one last Comedy Special for HBO. If you’ve seen it you may know where I’m going here. Carlin opened his act by bemoaning the fact that we live in a culture where we are constantly being bombarded and told who we should admire, and who our “heroes” should be. He went on for a couple of minutes and concluded his brilliantly vulgar diatribe by stating, “F*** Tiger Woods!”
I was reminded of Carlin’s comments this week while watching a good bit of NFL coverage on TV and listening to even more NFL talk on the radio. I’m not sure who to direct my ire towards but I would like to re-purpose Mr. Carlin’s sentiments by saying, “Bleep Michael Vick!”
I don’t care who starts at quarterback for the Eagles this weekend. I can’t stand the Eagles. I can’t stand Eagle fans (suck on Super Bowl XXXIX, bitches!) and I hope Michael Vick tears the ACLs in both knees and they have to perform emergency surgery on the field using tendons created from the stem cells of a Portuguese water dog. It could happen. Just ask Christine O’Donnell. I hear they’re making incredible strides in stem cell research.
I can’t take it anymore. I realize the guy has paid his debt to society and everybody deserves a second chance and blah, blah, blah , blah…. I’m even willing to admit that I might feel differently if he played for the Patriots but he doesn’t so I don’t. F ‘em.
Week Three NFL Pick Six
Last Week: 4-2
Philadelphia Eagles @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-3 ) I’m not very superstitious but I believe that a quarterback controversy and a meddling owner are bad omens.
When addressing the media this week, Eagles coach Andy Reid said, “I think it’s a beautiful situation. I look at it a lot different than other people look at it. I have two quarterbacks that can play. A lot of teams don’t have good quarterbacks… ones that they feel like they can win with.”
The Jaguars could very well be one of the teams Reid was referring to. Let’s face it, they don’t have a good quarterback (Garrard and his 83.5% QB rating was named to the Pro Bowl last year after every other QB named to the team opted out so they could attend a Pro Bowl QB Reunion in Hawaii). Vick already has 149 rushing yards on 18 attempts in roughly 1 ½ games but the Jaguars have the personnel on defense (Daryl Smith, Justin Durant, Derrick Harvey) that, if healthy, could force Vick to stay in the pocket and limit his ability to beat them by running the ball. Garrard may not be a very good QB but I bet he did a good job simulating Vick during Jaguars practices this week. Pick : Jaguars
Buffalo Bills @ New England Patriots (+14)
Two touchdowns is a lot of points to give when one is considering a wager, albeit a “fugazi.” The Patriots were exposed by the Jets last week. They have clear and possibly debilitating weaknesses in their secondary and they have more depth issues on offense with the season-ending injury to Kevin Faulk and Logan Mankins’ continued hold-out. The Patriots will be eager to bounce back from their horrendous second half performance against the Jets and I don’t think a two touchdown win at home is out of the realm of possibility against a really awful Bills team
This is a divisional rivalry/match-up and the Pats may have struggled against the Bills in ’09 but the 2010 Buffalo Bills are bad. Really bad! Chan Gailey has only coached two full seasons in the National Football League (‘98-‘99). His last full-time gig was in Dallas over 10 years ago. It’s all highly suspect if you ask me. I don’t think anyone outside of Buffalo will be surprised if the Bills go 0-16 this year? Pick: Patriots
Cleveland Browns (+10 ½) @ Baltimore Ravens
Everyone is wondering which winless team can avoid starting the season 0-3. The Vikings (0-2) and Cowboys (0-2) have garnered much of the national 0-2 attention but I don’t particularly care for conventional wisdom. I’m looking at the Browns. Baltimore (1-1) is favored to beat Cleveland by more than10 points, more points than the Ravens have scored in a single game this season while Cleveland (0-2) scored 14 points in each of their two close games this season.
The Browns playing on the road (any road) does not instill confidence but the addition of Sheldon Brown and rookie T.J. Ward to the secondary does. Ward, a second round draft pick out of Oregon (38th overall, 11 picks after New England selected Devin McCourty in the late first round) lead the team in tackles (15) and Cleveland’s D has forced 4 turnovers (3 INT) in their first 2 games. The Ravens D is ridiculously good, once again but Joe Flacco’s 58.7% QB Rating is abysmal. My motto for the week, “keep it close Cleve.” Pick: Browns.
Indianapolis Colts @ Denver Broncos (+ 5 ½) For the life of me I cannot figure out what Josh McDaniel is up to in Denver. It’s a mystery to me. Is he a brilliant young coach (acquiring Kyle Orton, the first half of his first year as a head coach, wins against Dallas, New England and San Diego in consecutive weeks) or a complete moron (again, acquiring for Kyle Orton, the second half of his first year as a head coach, drafting up to pick Tim Tebow in the first round when most experts had him rated as a 3rd round pick, at best). It’s maddening.
Regardless, McDaniel has one definite advantage this week. A home game. Everyone knows that Denver can be hard on opposing QBs, not matter who they are, it’s a very tough place to play. Before I forget, “F*** Tim Tebow!” Pick: Broncos
New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (-2 ½) It’s too bad games can’t end in a tie anymore. The Dolphins swept the Jets last year for the first time in seven seasons and, by the way, looked surprisingly good on the road in Minnesota last week. During the broadcast, on CBS Dan Dierdorf commended Miami for their running game and talked about how difficult it is to have success running the ball when playing on the road. What Dan forgot to mention is how difficult it was for Miami to stop the run on the road as they proceeded to let Adrian Petersen run wild for 145 yards on 28 carries. But this is Adrian Peterson we’re talking about folks. So we can cut the Fins some slack.
If you’ve been reading my blog you know I’m not about to cut Rex Ryan or the Jets any slack despite their impressive win against the Patriots in Week 2. The Jets won’t have Darrelle Revis or Adrian Peterson in Week 3 and that’s going to be a problem. A Dolphin victory sets up a big time AFC East showdown with New England in week 4. Pick: Dolphins
Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears (+3 )
The 2010 edition of one of the all-time great NFL rivalries begins on Monday Night Football this week. It’s only Week 3 but the winner of this game will have the early advantage in the fight to capture the NFC North. The Bears and the Pack come into the game tied in atop the division with matching 2-0 records. Chicago won their opener against a Lions team that I believe will be relevant if Matt Stafford can stay healthy and then proceeded to kick the crap out of the Cowboys in Dallas. This could be Green Bay’s first real test of the season as their two wins have come against the confused and disoriented Philadelphia Eagles and the truly sad and pathetic Buffalo Bills. Pick: Bears.
*Note: My weekly NFL picks are strictly for entertainment purposes only, folks. I do not bet on football but you are free to do whatever you damn well like. As always, thanks to CBS Sports for providing me with great websites for research and the odds used in this blog. I’m not getting paid here folks, I truly like CBS’s frequently updated NFL Odds page. Check it out if you’re interested http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/odds
David Bloodsworth is a writer, communications professional and blogger for 985thesportshub.com. You can contact him via email firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him (now and then) on Twitter @dhbrockton.